Every Little Breeze

When I was a graduate student in the early 1970s, I had a major term paper due. While I had done the necessary research, as usual I had procrastinated until the very last minute to actually write the paper. This meant pulling the famous "all nighter" to complete my work in time to meet the deadline. As time grew shorter, I fell into my more casual writing style, but I did get the paper written and turned in on time. My professor returned the paper marked "A-." He included a brief note that, while he found the paper informative, the writing style did not really conform with his academic standards-"too breezy" was his conclusion. I may have screwed up my "A," but I have always tried to hit that "breezy" standard ever since.
G.I.

Somewhere in Time

When I was in high school, my friends threw a costume party with a 1950s theme at the civic center in the California town where we lived. But I misunderstood the location and showed up at the wrong address. Unfortunately, I had to leave through the exit on the other side of the building, so I had to walk though a convention of people wondering what time machine I just stepped out of. Embarrassing!
S.G.

An Inward Glance

Our youngest daughter was married two years ago. My wife and I were to pick up our daughter and new son-in-law very early the next morning to drive them to the airport for a well-planned honeymoon trip to a beautiful private island in the Virgin Islands. I was driving the rental car from the wedding the night before as my wife followed in her car so we could return the rental car at the airport. On our way to the hotel, we stopped for gas. I got out of the car to pump the gas, leaving the keys in the ignition as I usually do. However, unknown to me, this well-equipped car had automatic locks. Yes, the car locked and inside was the luggage, passports, and airline tickets, all belonging to the newlyweds.
T.M.

Applauding the Rescue

On a breezy, rather cold Saturday morning, my husband and I traveled to a small dealership on Highway 78, a narrow 4-lane highway with no shoulders, looking for a reliable car for our youngest daughter. On our way, a tire blowout made it necessary for us to pull to the side and call AAA for assistance. The wait and the repair time was scary as 18-wheelers raced by, blowing our small Toyota truck to and fro. My husband assisted the young mechanic as I assisted by trying to wave traffic to the outside lane. The young mechanic commented that he was surprised that no police had stopped to help. Soon, I saw a motorcycle policeman traveling slowly in the opposite direction with his lights flaring, followed closely by a second policeman. I yelled, clapped, and waved to get their attention and was overjoyed as they slowed, thinking they were coming to our assistance. My husband and the young man looked up with shocked expressions-not ones of appreciation. I turned to watch the policemen proceed on their way and now noticed that they were being followed by a long black car and a caravan of cars with their lights on. I quickly and with great embarrassment realized that I had been clapping and cheering, not for a rescue, but for a funeral procession. The young sarcastic man turned to my husband and asked, "What the hell did that guy do to her?"
K.M.

Stranded!

Several months before we were to be married, my fiancée made a quick trip to my home town (where we were to live after marrying) to apply for a job. She had traveled 4 hours from Tennessee (where she was attending her last semester in college) and needed to return to school immediately after the interview. I had worked the nightshift the night before but was taking her to the interview (since she was unfamiliar with the town). I dropped her at the personnel office and returned home to await the call to pick her up. Even though I planned to stay awake until after her interview, I fell asleep on the couch not realizing that I had left my phone in the car. Yes, I missed her call, leaving her stranded in a strange town.
E.G.

European

Once, when traveling in a foreign country, I accidentally walked into the men's restroom. I only realized my mistake as I came out of the stall and saw all those strange appliances on the wall … and all those men standing in front of them. Boy, did I get out of there quickly!
G.B.

Christmas, Easter, and...

When I was in Senior High Sunday School, the youth in our church signed up to bring refreshments each Sunday morning. Being normal high school kids, we seldom remembered to actually bring them. The teacher, being the never-say-die type, would always ask if we had refreshments that Sunday. One morning, she called the name of one of the girls who, although she was a very sweet young lady, had less than a stellar attendance record. Bob, a good friend of mine, and I spoke up and noted that she was one of the "Christmas and Easter" attendees. We went on to make several comments about such two-times-a-year people. As it turned out, the young lady attended Christmas, Easter, and that Sunday. After the class, all the other kids in the room-who had noticed the young lady's presence-told us in no uncertain terms what idiots we truly were. I'm not sure if she ever came back. If she did, she showed astounding grace.
P.M.

What Can We Bring?

While driving back from a weekend out of town, my husband and I decided to call our friends and ask if we should bring anything to a cook-out to which we had been invited at their house. When our friend answered the phone, we explained that we were on our way back into town and asked if they needed us to bring anything. The friend chuckled and said no, since the cookout had been the day before, and that we had been missed. I'm glad we didn't just show up!
N.M.

The Mystery Weekend

Once upon a time, when Handsome Bob, my husband, and I were living in Texas, one of my friends and I planned a surprise "Mystery Weekend Trip" for our husbands, who had been working very hard and badly needed to relax and have fun. So, we decided to take them to Oklahoma City-but only we would know that, and they wouldn't have to make a single decision about anything. We had the whole thing planned out, with a chicken fried steak dinner on the way, a great hotel, and a trip to the racetrack complete with insider betting tips. My friend and I gave our husbands all kinds of misleading "clues" about where we were going and what we were going to do there. We were very proud of ourselves. The night before we were to go, Handsome Bob and I were taking a walk. I mentioned that I had a meeting on Sunday night at 6:00, and Handsome Bob asked "Are you sure we'll be back from our Mystery Weekend so you can make that meeting?" I replied, "Oh, yes. It's only a four-hour drive from Oklahoma City." Whoops!
E.K.

P's and Q's

My screwup is also humiliating. This was my first year at middle school, and it all seemed big and different. I wanted to do everything the way I was supposed to do, and not look like a new kid in school. I had been late a few times to class because I was learning where all of my new rooms were located. I thought I could "hold it" and wait to go to the bathroom during my lunch time. But I just could not wait. I did not want to be late to class, so I ran straight to the restroom and was just about to go into the stall when I heard two girls giggle behind me. I was shocked and ran out. Then I looked on the door and noticed that I had screwed up and gone into the girls restroom.
N.H.

Off Road

My screwup happened when I was about 6 years old. I knew that the rule was to ask for help before going into the refrigerator and pouring a drink. Everyone was busy, and I did not want to ask and possibly be told "no." I poured my milk with no problem, and really did feel all grown up. The milk did not taste quite right, but was in my cup and I knew that I had better get rid of the evidence. It wasn't long before I had the worst stomach ache I can ever remember having. I couldn't say a word. My dad's dream had been, since he was a young boy, to own a red Jeep. Well, the day I drank the milk was the day he came home with his bright red prize Jeep. We all ran out to see his Jeep and admire it. Of course, we had to take a ride. After we pulled out of the drive and had gone about a mile, everyone knew. I lost the milk all over the back seat of dad's new Jeep. What a screwup. I'll never forget.
S.H.

Sap-Fire

A couple of weeks ago, I was relaxing by the pool, catching up on the latest news on perezhilton.com on my i-phone when I decided I could totally go for a refresher. I sent the pool boy to fetch me a Sapphire and tonic, but when he got back I realized that he'd made it with ice cubes instead of crushed ice. I was so infuriated that I fired him on the spot. In retrospect, that was maybe an overreaction. Now I'm having a hell of a time finding a suitable replacement. Who wants to spend all of their time posting help wanted ads on the internet and then having to weed out all the lazy college kids trying to get money for drugs or whatever it is that they're into these days. I have better things to do. Why couldn't I have just chewed him out and made him get me another?
A.P.

Bus Stop

The summer after my sophomore year of college, I spent a month studying at Oxford University. One day, I took a trip into London to visit a friend. I was traveling by myself on a shuttle bus. On the way back, I was exhausted and fell asleep. I woke and thought I recognized where the bus was stopping as my destination. Groggily, I exited the bus and suddenly realized I was in the wrong town. I was still around 11 miles from where I needed to be, and the bus was gone. I had to walk all through the night to get home.
J.O.

Chain Reaction

As a young college student, I had not been driving for but about a year. One day at the end of my classes, I went to the parking lot and got into my car to return home. I was leaving the lot and realized the exit I was driving out had a chain across it. But it was a small chain, and I was sure that I could drive under it. As the chain scratched the hood, banged against the windshield, and made loud banging noises on the car roof and trunk lid, I knew that I had screwed up for real. I was right, though. I could and did drive under the chain.
M.H.

Bathroom Live

I was presenting at a national convention for nurses when we took a break. I forgot I had my lapel mic still on my person, and went to the bathroom "live." I got the most giggles, and the best rating as speaker I have ever received.
M.C.

Sporty Brain Cramp

In what had to have been a bad case of brain cramp, I was in my late 30s visiting an acquaintance in an auto showroom. My wife and children were out of state visiting in-laws. I fell in love with a gorgeous and shapely yellow sports car—sort of an answer to a teenage dream—and before falling out of my trance, I had traded the family station wagon in for it. Upon my family's return home, I proudly showed it to my wife, who asked, "Where are the children going to sit?" An issue that had not occurred to me until that moment. I could not part with my dream car, but spent the next day at the bank and back in the showroom buying a workhorse sedan. I never did come up with a sufficient apology for the family, but the hours driving that little gem remain a secret treasure, while my spouse never let the story die.
R.E.T.

The Firecracker

When I was a child of about 11 years old, this happened. Each afternoon my friends and I met at the local boys club to play. One day we had some firecrackers. We took turns lighting them and throwing them. On one of my turns, I lit the firecracker and threw it. But just then a car passed, and the firecracker exploded right in front of the windshield. The driver was startled, and the car swerved out of control. I knew that I had screwed up. The driver regained control, and no wreck occurred. I haven't done anything of this nature since then.
M.T.H.

The Not-So-Grand Refinish

I had always longed to have my grand piano's cracked finish redone. So, one night when my husband was in a "good" mood, he said he thought we could afford to have it done. In a few days, I called up and arranged to have someone come pick it up to do the job. That night, when my husband walked in the front door, he said, "Where's the damned piano?" Unbeknownst to me, he had planned to have the piano done as an anniversary surprise! It was one of the nicest things he had ever done, and I had spoiled it.
J.L.J.
Birmingham, AL